


A Shadow Of One's Former Self

by Mars (Marsattack)



Category: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Angst, Other, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:33:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27331267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marsattack/pseuds/Mars
Summary: Season 1 spoilers ahead!
Relationships: Lucifer (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Reader, Satan (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Reader
Comments: 13
Kudos: 22





	A Shadow Of One's Former Self

**Author's Note:**

> Season 1 spoilers ahead!

I am Satan, the Avatar of Wrath.

Quietly reading in the ever-silent House of Lamentation's library, I would bury myself in books to forget the anger inside of me. Immersing myself in wild fantasies, filling my brain with knowledge on anything unexplored.

One day, Lord Diavolo had this crazy idea to bring exchange students from the human world. A few dozens tiny humans then flooded the RAD corridors, gasping at every new thing around them as if they were new-born animals. Despite my curiosity, I deemed it better to ignore their presence and persistently carried on with my daily solitary life. 

Intrigued students tried to approach me. Flashing a smile that I'd learn to make, I spent some time talking to them and learning of their ways, without ever getting too close. I'd allow them to hang around, keeping my true self hidden away. At least, until Lucifer came.

I couldn't even stand the mere idea of his presence. Every single cruel word he ever threw at me, every single disdainful look in my direction were engraved in a large open wound in my heart. He only needed a few words to make me bleed again. One day, it finally happened in front of the new students. I lost my composure and might have destroyed some furniture, screaming at the top of my lungs at the one person I couldn't ever hide my anger from. They all saw a glimpse of the beast inside of my shell, a frightful sight of everything I relentlessly try to withhold.

I thought they'd be too scared to ever approach me again. I thought I'd finally have my peace and quiet. Why would I care about some meaningless creature, right? I'm the Avatar of Wrath, why would I expect anyone to stay by my side, just to inevitably get burned? I thought I'd be left alone... But when I went back to the library the next day to gather some books, some humans were already there, patiently waiting for my return. Were they not scared of getting hurt? Did they forget the danger they're putting themselves in? Were they staying with me... because they understood?

Days went by and familiar faces started building around me. Happily following me wherever I went, I tried ignoring this new feeling building up inside of me but couldn't. They'd listen to my long rambles, they'd read the books I'd talk about, they'd remember my favorite desserts, they'd leave me alone when I needed, they'd always come back before I realized I missed them, they'd listen, understand, comfort. What was this feeling exactly? No amount of books could help me with this, and as time went by I couldn't help but open up to them. If I ever tried concealing my feelings, a small frown, a bright blush or a timid smile would reveal the truth. When did I become unable to contain it all? But it felt so nice. It feels so light. I feel so great. What was the next step? Is one of them going to be special? Was it finally my turn, to finally fall in lo...

Wait.

Hey, you...

Where are you going?

The library isn't over there.

Wait,

Where,

This way is,

Ha.

Hahaha!

What is this, now?

In all the places you could have gone, this is where you go?

Of all the fucking places in this fucking world, you go straight to Lucifer's room? I'm trying to tell myself you only went here because you had to, but now you're drooling on his fucking lap? Those hands who used to bring me little gifts, those same small hands who held onto my vest when you wanted attention, those are the ones you use to touch his disgusting chest? Those lips who told me so many sweet words, who comforted me when I was feeling so frail and vulnerable, those are the ones you kiss him with?

Hahahaha! Of course.

Of,

Fucking,

Course!

You never really cared that much, huh? You just got curious, you wanted to see what was underneath that cold carcass of mine, right? Well con-gra-tu-la-tions!

You won!

This is me, Satan, the Avatar of Wrath, and of feeling like fucking shit every single day! Can you see how I really feel? Are you proud of yourself? Is my character development interesting enough for you? Are you going to take me seriously or are you gonna joke around again like I'm some sort of distraction?

The others? What about the others? Do you think they can be trusted as I trusted you? You do realize you've just broken all the hope I ever had in my whole life? I'm a smart-ass you know, I see how they're all thirsting for someone else whenever I turn my back.

But you know what? I knew it from the start. I'm just the best at hiding my feelings, even to myself. I was happy! That was true happiness! If I started feeling a drop of doubt, I'd just ignore it. You all made it so easy to ignore! "Oh, Lucifer got a whole harem to himself? I don't care, I have my own people who care about me!" What a fucking joke. I'm just cursed to be the smaller version, even down to the people around me, right?

But Satan, Satan, listen, you're your own person. You're unique. Huh?!

I'm not even a whole person! I was never born! I started as a feeling, a ball of pure wrath, and through magic, horror, and blood I suddenly appeared into existence! I never had a fucking childhood!

I'm just a fucking sticky note where someone wrote "Uh, yeah, your sister is dead", walking around people I dare to call my brothers every single day! How do you even dare to talk to me?

Why are you still talking to me?

Why are you still here?

I'm not worth any second of your time, you're better off spending your days with the Ô So Great And Beautiful Lucifer. Go ahead and kiss him on the fucking dick while you're at it.

I'm done.


End file.
